Sophie is a long time friend of mine. She is soon be 19, and is double majoring in English Secondary Education and Creative Writing at Susquehanna University. She has Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (CRPS) and Autism, as well as Anxiety and Depression. These are her responses to questions about her experiences with ableism.
What would you say is your earliest remembered experience with ableism?
I didn’t experience much ableism with my autism when I was young, I guess because it just seemed like a personality quirk. As I got older, though, it led to more vulnerability in my social life, and my peers realized that it was easy to single me out and pick on me. I always knew I was weird, but my parents didn’t actually tell me about the diagnosis until I was in middle school. Now it doesn’t really bother me— just another label people can put on me— but at the time, I felt ashamed. As most people can tell you, in middle school, you want to be a carbon copy of everyone else. Sticking out makes you a target. Middle school was also the time when I got injured and developed CRPS, so it was the first time that I really couldn’t do anything to fit in. Walking hurt, but skipping wasn’t as bad, so I used to skip down the halls. I was bullied for that. The kids in my Algebra class would always pick on me no matter what I was doing because I was the easiest target. These were probably my earliest experiences with ableism.
I suppose some of my friends were inadvertently ableist towards me. They would often exclude me from activities because they didn’t want to be held back by me. I was only invited to amusement parks a handful of times after developing CRPS because I had so much difficulty traversing the parks and nobody wanted to push a wheelchair around. I know my friends just wanted to protect my feelings, but excluding me really did a number on my self esteem.
How do you feel ableism holds you back socially, professionally, academically, etc.?
Socially? Well, I never grew up with the diversity that a lot of kids see today. I guess the reason why my autism never affected me too badly was because I grew up not knowing I really had it, but becoming physically disabled was a completely different story. You know those movies where the bullies pick on the crippled and/or socially outcasted kids? That kind of imagery stuck in my brain. I tried my best to stay out out the limelight, and due to that, I didn’t make many friends during middle school and the first half of high school. I relied mainly on different forms of social media to make friends. I felt it was easier this way because I wouldn’t physically be a burden on them. A lot of my real life friends abandoned me for long periods of time, and because of this, I developed autophobia— the fear of being alone. I would become devastated when any of my friend left me, whether they were real friends or internet friends, and I would desperately try to find people to talk to. Even now, I have a difficult time socializing with others. Sometimes I do physical activities with others and suffer the consequences just because I don’t want to turn people down and seem socially distant. Now I know I have true friends that I can rely on when I’m feeling alone.
Academically? Ever since I was little, I’ve had a hard time concentrating on schoolwork. I remember the pure agony of trying to do homework every night, and how it could take up to six hours for me to finish a simple worksheet when my classmates could easily finish in less than an hour. And essays— God, I hated essays. I just didn’t understand the RSSE format. We were supposed to relate each essay subject to something in our lives, but I would become stumped at this point. My parents kept telling me to lie, but I felt like it was wrong, so instead I would sit for hours and stare at the paper, waiting for an idea to come to me. Spoiler alert: that never worked, and yes, you can lie in essays. If anyone ever tells you not to lie to your teachers, remember that lying will get you better grades. Maybe that’s bad advice, but I wish someone besides my parents had said that to me back then.
In high school, my autism held me back a lot. Honors classes were absolute Hell because the teachers moved at a faster pace. One of my teachers told me I couldn’t be an English major because I was “too slow.” Did I listen? No. In college, I guess my biggest struggle has been with my physical health. The campus is hard for me to walk across, but when it’s raining or snowing outside, I can’t use my scooter. Hopefully I’ll just have a car next year so I won’t have to walk.
Professionally? See, I know that there’s a law that says employers can’t discriminate against people who apply for the job, but I also know that if someone without CRPS and autism applied for the job, they would be much more likely to get the position. There are many rules in different companies that call for diversity in their staff, but this mostly relates to race and gender, not ability. Technically, employers can’t discriminate as long as the employee can do the job given to them, but companies have proven time and again that they can and will discriminate if it’ll help them. I’ve been advised by multiple people not to make my disabilities public, but I’m too much of an advocate to stay silent.
When has ableism impacted you the hardest? What were the consequences of it?
Ableism impacted my life the hardest during middle school and high school. Because of it, I’ve developed depression, anxiety, and autophobia. I don’t think I would’ve been so heavily affected by my disabilities if society hadn’t treated them like flaws. I’m different, and I can accept that now, but back then things were really rough for me. I spent so much time worrying and fearing for the worst, and I wish I could get that time back.
What do you feel would be a good solution to this problem socially?
I feel like nowadays, children are being raised to understand that disabilities aren’t problems, but rather just differences. They have characters with mental and physical disabilities in their TV shows. I feel like the more normalized disabilities are, the more prepared the new generation will be to continue fixing problems that the older generations have left behind. While racism and sexism still exist, they’re much more minimal than they were fifty years ago. Slow exposure and acceptance is what got our society to this point. We need more shows that include disabled characters (and also gay characters, but that’s a different issue), not as side characters, but as main characters. I don’t know if I’ll live to see the day when ableism doesn’t affect my life, but I hope that the future generations get to live in a world of equality.
Do you feel our government is ableist? Why?
I’m not super political, but I don’t think our government is inherently ableist, but some of the policies we have are. Also, some of the people in office are ableist, but hopefully they’ll get replaced at some point. Disabled people are first and foremost people, and they should be treated as such. So often the government treats its disabled citizens as a problem, and rather than fixing that problem, they make what I like to call a “bandaid” solution. While the solution may not last long, it’ll do its job and satisfy the public. The government does this a lot, not just with disabilities. At the current moment, our own president is ableist, so the government can’t change until we boot the man at the top out. Sorry that most of this is pretty vague: I just don’t know much of the politics behind ableism in our current decade. I know more about the old policies and what’s been changed.
What kind of laws do you think should be passed to help combat this issue?
What laws could help? Here’s another question where I’m a little stumped. What I do know is that most of the laws in place don’t really help people with invisible disabilities much. I think they should be changed to include all disabilities, no matter how small.
Any final statement about this subject that you would like to make to conclude?
Equality is something that everyone strives for in this day and age. I want everyone reading this to try and teach the younger generation how to love one another and be tolerant of differences. Only if we work together can we make the world a better place.
Thank you for the auspicious writeup. Look advanced to more added agreeable from you! By the way, how can we communicate?